I am not sure what is happening but shopping has become a lot harder. Up until recently a quick trip to the local supermarket was just that; ‘quick’. Now, however, I am faced with a question at the end of the process that has put my head into a spin. ‘Do you want a carrier bag” says the till operator.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be sarcastic but what on earth do they think I am going to take my goods home in. I could possibly fit the toothpaste and paracetamol into my jeans pocket but I am not sure I have room for the two bottles of cola, six pork chops, and large bag of spuds.
Before I could even answer this question I was faced with another receptacle centred choice: ‘Would you like a bag for life?’ I was asked as if this were a perfectly normal part of the retail experience.
‘Well actually, I just want it long enough to get me home’ I stuttered wondering what other odd questions might be coming my way.
Apparently this is now the way of things in the world of supermarket shopping with all the major retailers eager to be seen as green when it comes to the public’s consumption of plastic bags.
Where as once upon a time the whole till area was covered in strewn plastic carriers we are now being encouraged to buy some higher quality ones before being reluctantly offer the wafer thin variety that are booby trapped to split just before you reach the boot of your car.
It seems that non-biodegradable plastic is today’s shopping equivalent of the lead in our petrol from a decade ago.
The bag for life schemes are aimed at getting lazy shoppers like me to bring our own carriers to the store so that we don’t continue to fill the world with plastic. Apparently if all the bags used by shoppers in one year were laid end to end they would still rip when you tried to carry two bottles of coke in them.
At first the rebel in me balked at the idea of being forced to think about whether I wanted a bag or not; usually because I am far too eager to end the whole shopping experience. The policy seems to be working because now I am starting to think for myself about my responsibility to the world around me. The fact that the supermarkets make you feel like a minor war criminal if you dare to turn up without the required carting equipment probably helps in this regard.
It started off as ‘Do you want a carrier bag?’ and then moved to ‘Do you want a bag for life?’
Soon, in true Oliver Twist meets Mr Bumble style, it will be ‘You want what!......A Plastic Bag!’
I suppose it is all part of life in the modern world where we are collectively influenced to live responsibly in all that we do. Apparently if I use too many plastic bags it has a direct effect upon the progress of global warming; so that explains why my two weeks holiday was so full of rain!
I went in a store recently that gave me the choice of a ten pence bag or a cardboard box at the end of the till. Ten Pence! That is a quarter of a chocolate bar. If I buy enough for the whole of my shopping I could end up spending a full pound with nothing but a clean environment to show for it.
All went well at first as I loaded my purchases into the box that was once used to transport detergent. Then, as I tried to retrieve my pound coin from the shopping trolley the bottom of the box gave way and all good spilt on to the floor.
At that moment I remember thinking that two shilling for a carrier bag didn’t seem that bad after all. Saving the planet is such hard work!
Plastic Bag Crimes
Two Printers
My dream of a paperless office has almost completely disappeared after we acquired two printers for our spare bed room. This room is multifunctional in that it houses the bed settee so that we can welcome guests, the collection of books that my wife and I have threatened to read should we get a moment, and our home office equipment.
I didn’t set out to have two printers; the first of our collection failed to disperse ink on the A4 paper and had to be sent away for repair. Not unreasonably I considered life without creating my own documents to be hardly worth living so I bought another to see me through the waiting period.
The original being satisfactorily repaired we now own two. It seems to me that this might not be a bad situation for a house full of daughters.
My wife and I are constantly refereeing arguments about the use of ‘the’ hairbrush. The fact that we have only one is a complete amazement to me as I have bought many over the years thinking I was bringing peace to the Molineaux household.
The use of computer associated equipment has also been a source of conflict over the years therefore perhaps the ownership of two printers will prove effective in sister to sister relations.
I am concerned, however, that my collection of duplicates is growing. A few months ago I bought a laminator to assist in adding protection to all those important documents that we produce on our two printers; things like….. well it doesn’t matter. All you need to know is that they are important.
This purchase was made a few weeks before we moved house so I didn’t get round to opening the box never mind using the equipment. Much to my daughters amusement my father-in-law insists on calling it a marinator,
A couple of weeks after our flit I decided that I needed to cover an A4 sheet in plastic so I went on a hunt for the required item. It was not to be found and I spent several moments mourning its loss.
Even though my need for its services was crucial to the running of the household it was not until several weeks later that I bought a replacement for our lost equipment.
Needless to say I found the lost laminator the very next day and now we have two!
I wonder whether this duplication will also stave off arguments between the siblings. They can now print and laminate in tandem.
I just now need to buy another hairbrush.
Say it with Sayings
In a recent quiz we were challenged to think of twenty well known proverbs; fine you might think! If we weren’t under the pressure of having to come up with them to save our team’s honour against other collections of humanity it would be fine. As it was we were struggling big time.
We could come up with three straight away and then all went blank. I don’t want to blame age as a the main cause of our unfruitfulness but it does seem to be a recurring theme these days as we rush our way towards fifty not out. The memory loss is one thing but the propensity to be easily distracted is another.
Our first two proverbs caused me the most problem in this respect. ‘Two many cooks spoil the broth’ and ‘Many hands make light work’. I couldn’t help pondering how such seemingly simplistic proverbs could be so diametrically opposed. With these two sayings we are faced with a serious problem when it comes to soup making; either we suffer the consequence of having too much staff in the kitchen and consume sub-standard minestrone, or we find it to be such hard work due to lack of help that we become too exhausted to eat it.
When we finally got going with our quiz answers we were faced with other contradictory problems. How am I supposed to believe that I am ‘never to old to learn’ if at the same time it is impossible to ‘teach an old dog new tricks’. This never seemed to be problem when I was younger but now it has a certain poignancy.
When I was in my twenties I was happy to try new things living by the spirit of the youthful saying ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’. Now, however, it appears that the power of this saying has been reduced by the fact that is ‘better to be safe than sorry’.
I turned to my team mates and asked them if they felt a similar amount of confusion at this point; after all we were joined together because we had much in common, as if confirming the truism ‘birds of a feather flock together’. Nobody else shared my concern leaving me to feel slightly excluded until one of our group pointed out that ‘opposites attract’; thus proving my point. I think perhaps I am at the age where I should make up my own proverbs that fit with my midlife status. Try these:
‘Whatever hair you lose on you head grows in your ears and nose’
‘If it is not on the shopping list it doesn’t get bought’
‘Pastry can only be eaten once a week’
‘If you wear that style of clothes long enough it will eventually come back in fashion’
This one is important because after all ‘clothes maketh the man’ although, come to think of it you shouldn’t ‘judge a book by its cover’ so it doesn’t matter after all. Confused! I think we should let sleeping dogs lie.
