Dangerous Compliments

I have long known that going out for an evening is a far easier affair for a man than it is for a woman. For men the process goes; Shirt, Tie, Trousers, Socks, Done.

This usually means that I take my place on the sofa with the remote control and wait for the females to work their way through the variety of tasks that seem to make them happy.

My wife often tries to get me to do various task during this waiting period but I usually manage to get out of such work by claiming that once I am ready I need to make sure that I don’t get too hot. To be fair I could wait until a little later to get ready and fulfil the list. Please don’t tell Mrs M.

The usual routine during this time is that my TV viewing is periodically interrupted by the girls and their mother showing me what they are intending to wear.

I try to appear interested but my energies are usually sapped by the fact that I know their outfits will no doubt changed several times before we leave the house.

I try to resist the temptation to ask why they keep asking for my opinion when it doesn’t seem to make any difference.

I have become increasingly aware that offering compliments can also be a dangerous pastime for a husband who is eager to please.

Last week I had collected my bride from the surgery where she works with the intention of making a flying visit past our home before we head off to some friends for the evening.

After a quick freshen up I said to my wife that she look beautiful and that there was no need to change. To which she replied that she had already done so and that before I decide to comment it might be best if I looked at what she was actually wearing.

She had a point because I hadn’t noticed what she was wearing when I collected her but in my defence she always looks good and I just wanted to affirm that on this occasion.

There have been other times when I have been all too eager to offer a positive comment in order to get Mrs M and her daughters out of the door. I don’t think I am the only male to adopt such tactics.

I tried to offer encouraging words a couple of nights ago as my wife put on her brand new high heel boots to attend a local housewarming party.

They certainly looked good but as my wife often trips up wearing flat shoes I was a little concerned for her safety.

“Are those boots made for walking”? I enquired resisting the urge to sing the famous song.

“They are mainly for standing in” came her reply “but they look good”.

It took us twenty minutes to walk a few hundred yards; She did look great but I thought it best not to say anything!

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