One on a diet. All on a diet!

Mrs M is due to speak at a conference in a few weeks time and amidst all the excitement of getting ready for the event she has decided that she needs to go on a diet in order to fit into her chosen outfit. The only problem is that when she says 'I' she means 'we'.

Somehow I have been dragged into things. I suggested that I didn't need to be included because I am not attending said conference, and instead shall be spending the day in the pub with some mates. None of whom will be even faintly interested in either my weight or my BMI.

This didn't wash with my bride and it seems I don't have a choice in the matter. She muttered something about needing my support and she wandered off to gorge on some lettuce. I tried to point out that when I support my favourite football team it doesn't involve actually kicking a ball but she wasn't convinced.

As part of this new regime we have increased the length and intensity of our evening stroll. Included in our workout is a brisk walk up the towpath of the Five Rise Locks.

Our normal routine includes spending our time chatting about a variety of subjects. This has, however, been somewhat restricted by the incline we now have to traverse.

We start off with a few words but it isn't long before silence descends apart from the panting noises we make as we try to breathe.

Because Mrs M is due to speak at her conference she takes our walks as opportunities to rehearse her chosen topic in front of her audience of one. This means that I do little of the talking until, that is, we reach the Five Rise Locks and my bride has to concentrate on the incline and breathing.

I have taken this as my time to get a few words in edge ways.

Not happy with this intrusion into her thought patterns my wife asked me during our walk today to wait until we arrived at the top.

I asked her why it should matter given that she is unable to offer any input into the conversation during this time. Her reasoning; she feels frustrated when she thinks of thinks to add and can't do so.

At this point I take the opportunity of highlighting the fact that whereas she isn't fit enough to converse I, in fact, am.

I suggest that this means I don't need to join her in her decision to go on a diet.

'But I need your support' she gasps.

'OK' I reply 'But don't ask me to kick a ball