One roast potato! I ask you.

Our dear friends Mel and Sheila took us out for the day to enjoy a country drive and some honest pub grub.

The food was excellent and, to my liking, came in ample measure.

I had started to feel that, in inverse proportion to my waistline, food size had reduced over the last few years.

But here in this Yorkshire country pub the landlady was bucking the trend.

The hotel we visited a few weeks earlier was the opposite end of the spectrum; I was served a small piece of lamb laying on a miniscule amount of mash. The plate also contained two baby carrots and only one, yes one, roast potato.

My wife tried to subdue my inner outrage at such injustice by saying it was the way that the top chefs did it these days.

Then it struck me: what an incredible marketing campaign these resteratuers have waged recently. What a master stroke by these master chefs.

They have convinced the british public that fine dining is when you pay more money for less food.

Never has such economic brilliance been seen since the invention of the mini skirt.

Well this proud northerner has seen through their plan and intends to revolt by ordering a side dish of chips with every meal I have in one of these psuedo-chic establisments.

In addition to this I shall demand proper gravy when they try to offer my a smudge of, what the menus describe as, jus.

Gordon Ramsey might like to tell us that his 'F' word stands for food but we now know it means the customer is a Fool.

It is time for a revolution: up and down the country citezans no longer need to stifle an exclamation of 'is that it?' when offered a large plate with a solitary island of food in the middle.

One roast potato! I ask you.

Perhaps the best response when faced with such paucity would be to say 'if I had wanted a starter I would have ordered one'.

If the menu says that your meat comes on a bed of mash ask them for a king size mattress.

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